Actually Autistic

How I’ve Changed Over Time

I’ve changed a lot since I started my blog. Once afraid to share who I am with the world, I’m now open about who I am.

I used to be ashamed of who I was. I wanted to hide from the world. I really, really wanted to be someone else.

Last year, I actually considered giving up on everything. I was actually going to stop writing blog posts. I thought of my work as a failure. I gave myself another chance, and I’m better than ever now.

Since early last year, I’ve been working on letting myself be myself. I’m still working on accepting myself and being open about who I am. I’m very close to becoming who I really am. (For example, I changed my name recently. My name is actually Neptune Frost.)

I oftentimes find myself worrying about how the world sees me. These days, I try not to let my fears control my life. I’m working on becoming a better person.

Before last year, I didn’t really know who I was. I recently started letting myself be myself, as I mentioned earlier. I know much more about who I am now, and I’m thankful for that.

I’m glad that my work is appreciated. I originally intended to be nothing more than a blogger, until I tried new things such as creating videos and advocating for disability rights. I’m very thankful for the success of my work and the support I have received from many of my followers and blog visitors.

Basically, I’m better than ever now. I’ve changed, and it’s for the better. I’m going to keep you updated as I continue to find myself and improve my work.

I know I haven’t been posting much. And I’m doing what I can to post more often.

Farewell for now.

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Advocacy, Disability, diversity, inclusion, Poetry, positivity

I Want To Live In A World, A Poem

This is my poem about inclusion and equal rights and opportunities.

I want to live in a world,

Where everybody is seen as a person,

Where everybody is seen as worthy.

I want to live in an inclusive world,

Where inclusion matters.

I want to live in an accepting world,

Where we are all accepted.

I want to live in an accepting world,

Where no one is rejected.

I want to live in a world,

Where equal opportunities are given to everyone.

I want to live in a world,

Where disabled people are accommodated,

Where Autistic people are not discriminated,

Where acceptance is virtue,

Where difference is not seen as a bad thing.

I want to live in a world,

Where we are all accepted.

I want to live in a world,

Where no one’s rejected.

However,

I am living in a world

Where things need to change,

Yet they stay the same.

I am living in a world

That I want to change for the better.

I am living in a world

Where I want to make things better.

I am living in a world

Where I want to play my part

In changing things for the better,

By writing this letter,

To myself and to the world.

The world where I live,

The world where things stay the same,

Yet they must change.

A Notice For Marie, Actually Autistic, Random Posts, Uncategorized

A Notice for “Marie”

This is a public post, but it is dedicated to someone who commented on my since-deleted blog actuallyautisticemily.wordpress.com. I hope that “Marie,” an anonymous commenter, will find this post because their comment meant a lot to me.

Dear “Marie,”

I’m Emily Frost. I am the writer of the post “Speech Is Optional.” I wanted to reclaim the old domain name of this blog so that I could reply to your comment, but I do not believe that will be possible. The reason why I could not reply to your comment is that you commented on my blog before I changed its domain name. My blog’s name was formerly actuallyautisticemily.wordpress.com and is now thestimmyautistic.wordpress.com. I do not know if you will ever find this post, but I can and will hope that you do because your comment meant very much to me. The comment below is not the comment I was referring to, but it is the only one I can find, so I hope that you can recognize it. This is my new blog. If you commented on my post “Speech Is Optional” in early July and claimed that your name was Marie, and if the comment below looks familiar to you, please let me know that you are “Marie” in the comments. Your comment means so much to me, and I apologize for losing the comment and not being able to reply. The “Marie” I am mentioning claimed to be “also Autistic and nonverbal.” If this is you, please let me know.

Marie’s comment

Nice post! I’ve always enjoyed reading your written work, and I am enjoying your new blog as well

Autism Acceptance, Autistic Pride, Disability, diversity, inclusion, my experience, Poetry, positivity

Loving Life, A Poem

This is my poem about loving and living life.

I love my life.

I live my life.

I am Autistic-

That’s a reason why I love my life.

I am artistic-

That’s another reason why I love my life.

I’m loving life,

Living life,

One day at a time.

I live my life.

I live my life because I exist.

I share the story of my life.

I share my stories because my stories exist.

I like my life.

I like being myself

After all, I can never be anyone else.

Stimming makes me happy,

Stimming is another reason why I love my life.

Stimming makes me flappy

Flappiness is another thing that makes me love my life.

I live my life.

I love my life.

I am neurodivergent-

This makes me happy.

I am Autistic-

This makes me flappy.

I experience my life.

I experience life because life is beautiful.

I live my life

One

Day

At

A

Time.

Loving life is what I do

Living life is another thing that I do, too.

Living.

Loving.

Experiencing.

Stimming.

I love who I am.

I have no interest in being “normal.”

Abnormality is not a bad thing,

Being myself is spreading my wings

And flying by flapping,

One day at a time.

I truly love how my life is mine.

I am proud to be me.

I am happy when I am flappy

And flappy when I am happy.

I am…

Loving life because I’m Autistic,

Loving life because I am neurodivergent,

Loving life because I love and be myself,

In a world where I can be no one else.

Loving life, living life,

Loving myself and being myself.

Being no one else, but myself.

Ableism, Actually Autistic, Advocacy, Autism Acceptance, Autism Awareness, Autistic Pride, Disability, diversity, Poetry, Uncategorized

Awareness Continues: A Poem

This is my short poem about what “autism awareness” is actually about.

Awareness continues.

Awareness continues to discriminate.

It continues to discriminate by deliberately ignoring Autistic voices, including those that are not spoken.

Awareness continues to deceive.

Awareness continues to deceive by claiming to be a “good thing.”

Awareness continues to harm us.

Awareness continues to harm us by discriminating, hating, and silencing us, just to name a few examples.

Puzzle pieces, blue lights, “awareness;”

A plan for silencing Autistic people and eliminating our existence.

Using puzzle pieces to represent me truly puzzles me.

I am not puzzling. I am complete, and I am proud to be Autistic.

Every April, blue lights and puzzle pieces surround you and me,

Representing how being Autistic is a tragedy

To our friends and our families.

Awareness continues to search for a cure,

A cure that should not and likely will not exist.

A cure that ends our existence.

Awareness continues to deceive; people continue to support “awareness” despite the many Autistic people who are against it.

Awareness continues to actually be hate and discrimination.

Awareness is hate, discrimination, and not listening to Autistic people.

Awareness continues to anger me.

Sadden me, hurt me.

Awareness continues to claim to be “powered by love” when it is truly powered by hate.

Hating Autistic people for being Autistic.

Awareness continues to not be something that I will never support.

Awareness continues to deliver a “hate speech,” as some Autistics have said.

Awareness continues to be truly ableist.

Awareness is ableism because it discriminates against Autistic people.

Awareness needs a cure; Autistics do not.

I do not want or need a cure.

I and other Autistics need acceptance.

Awareness is deceptive.

Awareness is harmful.

Awareness is the real “tragedy.”

Acceptance is beautiful.

Acceptance is what Autistics need.

Acceptance continues to help us and support us.

Acceptance is the key.

Acceptance, not “awareness,” which is actually hate.

Ableism, Actually Autistic, Autism Acceptance, Autism Awareness, Autism Speaks, Autistic Pride, Disability, diversity, inclusion, positivity

Why Autism Speaks Is Powered By Anything But Love

Warning: Autism $peaks, neurodiversity negativity, person-first language, and other disturbing content will be mentioned. Nothing graphic will be mentioned, such as types of abuse.
You might be wondering why I am against Autism $peaks, a very well-known organization. Unless you’ve been living under a rock (or one of Autism $peaks’s puzzle pieces,) you have probably heard of the controversy over Autism $peaks’s goals, intentions, and so on. There is actually a reason (or many reasons) why there Autism $peaks is a highly controversial group in the Autistic community (and why I’m against A$, or Autism $peaks myself. A$ is considered a hate group by many Autistics (certainly including myself.) This is what one Autistic person thinks of Autism $peaks.
Warning: Disturbing content ahead.
Autism $peaks believes in curing autism. That would probably involve things like genetic modification and other unnatural procedures. We do not need any of that. Autism $peaks is going down a dark path, and they want others to fall into their trap and also go down the dark path. The “dark path” was created by Autism $peaks, ableism (the discrimination against Autistic and disabled people,) and other negative things that I don’t even want to mention. The dark path looks like it’s bright and beautiful. That’s how it deceives you. Autism $peaks saying things like they’re “powered by love” is an example of this deception. Innocent people get lured into Autism $peaks’s trap all the time without realising what they’re supporting. Autistic people don’t need a cure because we bring diversity to what would be a boring place.
Autism $peaks is not run by Autistic people. The Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN’s) slogan is “Nothing About Us, Without Us.” Autism $peaks is a group about us, without us. They don’t have any (or many) Autistic people running their organisation, just a bunch of people who want to get rid of us.
Autism $peaks has called Autistic people broken, burdensome and beyond. That’s very degrading, ableist, and dehumanising. To Autism $peaks: Accept neurodiversity. Don’t change us, don’t dehumanise us, and don’t try to eliminate our existence. (You would have never been able to read this if I was eliminated. I’m thankful that some people accept neurodiversity. I’m thankful that I can speak for myself here.)
Autism $peaks uses puzzle pieces and the colour blue to represent us. The puzzle piece is degrading because it represents the belief that Autistic people aren’t people. It represents the [false] belief that autistic people are actually autistic puzzles. What’s wrong with the colour blue? It represents that only men can be autistic, and that’s not true because many Autistic women do exist. Anyone can be autistic, regardless of anything.
Autism $peaks uses person-first language. (As if I could separate my autism from myself and put it in my drawer!) Many people with autism Autistic people (such as myself) prefer identity-first language. I am Autistic, and I’m not a person with autism. I don’t have to add “my autism” to my vacation checklist.
Autism $peaks would have to make many changes to their group. They would have to light it up #Redinstead, change their logo to the neurodiversity symbol, accept neurodiversity, and much more.
There are other reasons why I don’t support Autism $peaks, and why other Autistic people don’t support them either. You can read other people’s opinions on Autism $peaks. The Autistic Self Advocacy Network is an excellent group to support. The dark path is filled with things like puzzle pieces, negativity and the colour blue. The brighter path (accepting neurodiversity) is filled with things like positivity, acceptance, and the colour red (instead.) The brighter path is the right one to walk down.

Actually Autistic, Autism Acceptance, Autistic Acceptance Month, Autistic Pride, Disability, my experience, Poetry, Sensory Overload, Sensory Processing Disorder

Experiencing Sensory Overload

If you were wondering how I experience sensory overload, I have explained it through poetry. This is intended to take you into the experience of sensory overload at a mall, with the help of your imagination.

Imagine being at a mall.
Imagine what you are seeing,
Bright, colorful advertisements are everywhere, and they force you to look at them.
The store names cannot be ignored.
Nothing cannot be seen, you have to see everything at once.
Suddenly you become anxious and scared.
Image what you are hearing,
All sounds are at the same volume; the sound of others talking is as loud as your friend talking next to you.
The footsteps, the chattering, the music, the various noises…
They all sound equally loud, and it is extremely overwhelming.
Imagine the smells,
The smell of fragrance emerging from the perfume department, the smell of popcorn, the smell of a familiar food;
You smell everything all at once, and cannot distinguish the dozens of different smells that you are smelling.
Image what you are feeling,
The clothing tag on your shirt feeling like a needle poking your back,
The coldness of the room makes you shiver,
And when your slipper slips off, you feel the cold floor,
And it feels as if you are barefooted on ice.
And you are alone, you have no one to go to.
No one can help you, you are helpless.
You walk to the bathroom with a rapidly beating heart to calm down,
Only to be overwhelmed again.
The blow dryers are as loud as an airplane,
The flushes are as loud as air horns,
And you experience it all at once.
You cannot block out anything, you must experience everything.
Everything at once.
You are hungry and overwhelmed.
Miserable, alone, and you are nearly crying.
Your hands are shaking, your teeth are chattering.
You enter the cold food court, shaking.
You order food that you have never eaten before.
You sit down in a very crowded dining area, with noises, smells, and sights everywhere.
Your food shocks your taste buds with its strong, spicy flavor,
And you are unable to finish your food, still hungry.
You sigh a sigh of relief, knowing that you will now go home.
Your sensory experience is over, and you can finally relax.